Let’s face it. We are all quite worried for our dear
Godney Britney Spears. X Factor producers forked out $15 million for a judge who became more known for her weird faces, instead of her constructive criticisms.
We even thought that Will Smith directed and produced ‘After Earth’, in response to his fellow ‘will’ being enlisted as the executive producer of Britney’s album. Turns out the movie isn’t about the music apocalypse associated with #willpower. Close enough.
To top it all off, critics are now worried if she can possibly handle the pressure of her planned Vegas residency and performances. Poor Britney.
We got really Smurfy when the demo for ‘Ooh La La’ was leaked online. Fast forward a few months later, Britney Spears officially released her new soundtrack for upcoming animated movie The Smurfs 2. (Did someone tell her that the leaked demo sounded exactly the same … never mind. She’s smurfgiven)
'Ooh La La' is the perfect summer jam. Catchy chorus? Check. Sing-talk swag? Check. Auto-tune? Check. Electrobeat breakdown? Check. Oops, she did it again.
'Ooh La La' sounds good while suntanning at a Californian beech. Given its fun loving feel-good vibe, it is virtually impossible to bin “Ooh” after its first listen, Though the track incorporates some of pop’s most common production cliché (she reunites with Dr Luke on this track), it still manages to sound refreshingly summerish, bubblegumish, and fluffy-ish. Not to mention, the electroclash beat bridge sounds bad enough to pass off as an evil plan by Gagarmel.
One pet-peeve though: The lyrics seem as if they were written for little kids. Well, rightfully so. Britney admitted that the main reason why she did the track, was because of her boys: Sean Preston and Jayden James.
Brainy Smurf, Mama Smurf and Hefty Smurf.
Finally, something good from Britney! While this clearly isn’t some super remarkable record, but it is good enough to pass off as Smurf Soundtrack.
"Well it’s definitely the beginning stages right now. I want to take this album and have a new approach with it and make it different from anything I’ve ever done, compared to Femme Fatale."
Britney, we’re watching. All eyes on you.
Smurfs 2, starring Neil Patrick Harris, Brendan Gleeson, Jayma Mays, Sofia Vergara, and Katy Perry, opening in theaters 31st July.
Girl groups haven’t exactly had it easy. Cheryl-Can-Sing-Well and Nadine-Why-Is-That-C-Bitch-Stealing-My-Spotlight headed for a tense split, 10 years after being on Popstars: The Rivals. Nicole Scherzinger’s
pussy ego was being ruthlessly arrowed for being ambitious, career driven and prone to mood swings. Even our dear Kelly and Michelle had to resort to being single (very soft) ladies, at the recent Super Bowl “reunion”. Over the years, the success (or perhaps the lack thereof) of girl groups have mostly been restricted to the United Kingdom, with the likes of the Spice Girls, The Saturdays, and Little Mix, and Stooshe.
Bitchy. Fiesty. In fact, big girls don’t cry. They fight. As compared to boy-bands, girl-groups have to deal with blood (no pun intended), sweat and tears, lots of them. It is tougher to maintain a group’s peace and harmony, as labels struggle to deal with their traditionally feminist egos.
Meet Fifth Harmony: The brainchild of Simon Cowell. After auditioning for The X Factor US S2 as individuals, Simon assembled a brand new girl group: LYLAS, later known as Fifth Harmony.
Ally Brooke, 19, Camila Cabello, 15, Normani Hamilton, 16, Dinah Jane Hansen, 15, Lauren Jauregui, 16
Don’t get me wrong. In fact, I love the girls. Throughout The X Factor, they have proven their astounding vocal ability time and again. They defied the impossible, with a Spanish rendition of the Shontelle classic. They proved their versatility, with their daring attempt of “Anything Could Happen”. Most recently, they worked with Boyce Avenue on “Mirrors" and "When I Was Your Man”.
Unlike a-boyband-with-5-members-who-cant-sing-live, Fifth Harmony proves to be a versatile, talented and gorgeous (Camila is omfg) girl group. No sexually explicit lyrics. No fancy vocal gimmicks and collaborations.
I went ecstatic when I read that they were releasing new material, from their forthcoming debut album. Man, I so wanna be one of their first few fans, before they gain mainstream popularity. But it turns out, mehhhh.
"Miss Movin On" is an angsty pop/dubstep number about ending a relationship and growing stronger from the experience. It sticks to the tried and tested formula of female empowerment and getting-over-a-breakup. Production wise, nothing spectacular either. The usuals: Bitchy-whiny solos (what’s new), dubstep-influenced chorus breakdown, and cheap-ass vocal harmonies over oh-so-familar beats over the bridge (reminscent of One Direction’s Rock Me).
"Miss Movin On" uninspiringly sounds like a Taylor Swift leftover. ‘Miss’ sounds like a familiar concoction of I Knew You Trouble + Demi’s Heart Attack.
The good point though: Their vocals still complement the track, with harmonies sounding good as gold. I would have preferred something raw, vulnerable, down-to-earth and less-manufactured. Something that reflects the girls’ strength growth after the competition. But that’s just me.
“My innocence is wearing thin. But my heart is growing strong. So call me, call me, call me: Miss Movin’ On!”
Even after a seemingly lacklustre debut, I’m certainly not moving on from them. After all, there is still so much potential waiting to be uncovered. This is the beginning of perhaps, the US-version of Little Mix. Keep your ears peeled. I certainly am.
Here’s to a Nicki threesome.
One day. Three new song features.
1. Livin It Up - Ciara (Feat. Nicki Minaj)
2. Get Like Me - Nelly (Feat. Nicki Minaj & Pharrell Williams)
3. Clappers - Wale (Feat. Juicy J & Nicki Minaj)